Future

Don't let it get you down though, someday, through a willful onslaught of reinterpretation of dated forms and ideas, you will strike on something that passes as remotely new, and people WILL be into it on the basis of how hip it is alone. Also, the average espresso drinker looks up to you. Friedrich Nietzsche 100% Miyamoto Musashi 83% Dante Alighieri 67% Stephen Hawking 58% C.G. Jung 58% Mother Teresa 42% Jesus Christ 33% O.J. Simpson 33% Steven Morrissey 33% Sigmund Freud 25% Charles Manson 25% Adolf Hitler 17% Elvis Presley 0% Hugh Hefner 0% What Pseudo Historical Figure Best Suits You? created with QuizFarm.com

What an interesting thought, me as Nietzsche. Anyway, before I happened across that survey I decided to write about why I think about endings the way I do. I've known for quite some time that if I am going to end up like my dad, it should happen by the time I'm around 25, 4 more years. As a result of knowing that I may lose all of my connection to reality, I've decided that I want to live my life so that if I were to develop schizophrenia that my life up until that point would be a full one. I don't want to look back and regret anything; I want these years to be full of happy memories to take the place of the memories I don't have from childhood.

"I hear you talk about your family life, I wish I knew just what that means" -- Staind
I find myself doing just that at times, because it's as though my life before 7th grade was left in a closet full of moths. Recently I found out in my theories of personality class that relationships (of all kind) are formed and strengthened by mutual disclosure, the act of sharing information about one's life with another person and them doing the same. That would partly explain why I have a hard time forming and maintaining close relationships; I simply don't have a lot of stuff to share. Part of what the experiment showed was that if during mutual disclosure one party shares something much more personal than has been the case up to that point, the other party almost invariably begins to respond with increasingly less personal information. The things I have to share with others are either superficial, or mostly very personal.

I have no problem sharing personal information like that, but in line with the experiment, most of the time when I have I did so too early in the relationship and as a result the other person retreated to some extent.