My Life

It's been a long time since I sat down and decided to write in here. So much happened, and I miss the friends I lost very much. They're alive and well, hopefully better than before everything happened. They were the most important people in the world to me, so it killed me when they were no longer a part of my life. They were, and are, so much more to me than friends, I care more about them than my family, and I care about my family a lot. Without them I was left with a giant hole in my heart, and I've felt empty inside ever since. I spent the better part of a week not really leaving my apartment except to go to class. I found friends to spend time with so I wouldn't go crazy by myself. They all helped out so much, but I really think I owe most of it to AB. She got me to go out and be more social, and she didn't judge me when I told her what was going on. For that I will be forever grateful. As a result of her being a key figure in my life I think I tried to have her fill the place my old friends occupied and have been frustrated that she didn't quite fit. I'm sorry that I did that to her, I'm sure it's not fun for someone to expect more from you than you're willing to put forth. I didn't want more from her in the sense that I wanted a relationship or anything of the sort, just that I was expecting her to be my best friend. She and her group of friends are the best friends I have, but currently I'm not as close to them as I was with my old friends. I'm pretty sure that's why she's been distant with me as of late, but she won't say.

So now that I've realized all of this I'm back to being a little lonely. I see how close everyone else in my group is, and it makes me miss my old friends. I know that I'll be that close with them given time, but I've never been a patient one when it comes to that sort of thing.

Looking back, I believe in high school I had a similar problem of people distancing themselves from me after we started getting close. It's entirely possible that it was me being distant and not them, but I don't know what I was doing to be distant, so I can't really change. I'm just going to try to ride the wave that life has sent my way and not try to fight it. Just go with the flow as they say.

On a happier note, I'm going to try to go to a buddhist temple this coming Sunday or Tuesday. Also I want to take everyone out to see Einstein Simplified! I hope they are still performing! (and they are!)


I really need to sit and brainstorm about photographs but I don't have it in me at the moment.